Buzz Kill


“I’ve decided — I’m going to start drinking when I’m nine!” was the proclamation made by Azul this week, while we were buying beer at Costco. My response, after I let what I had just heard sink in, was, “You what?” I know, profound. But, for the moment, if you can look beyond the fact that he is five and the legal drinking age is twenty-one, his statement did prove some maturity, not hanging out at a bar maturity, but some.

First, “I’ve decided” — that alone means he put some thought into it and didn’t just make some haphazard decision or give in to a whim or peer pressure. For a five year-old, it takes a lot to consider a situation or action and then actually come to a conclusion.

Second, “I’m going to start drinking,” shows he was aware of his surroundings, the beer aisle in Costco, and appropriately brought up a topic related to the moment. Also, I have never been shy of admitting my vices and I am legally old enough to have a drink, so drinking is not a taboo topic in our household. Oh, and by the way, I am a Homebrewer, which means I make my own beer, and Azul has assisted in the brewing process and even made his own root beer. He is not naive about the subject.

Last, “when I’m nine” obviously means that it is something that will happen in the future and not any time soon. And every parent knows how slow time passes for children. If a day in kid thought is like a year, then to be nine has to seem like an eternity away. Actually, if a day equals one year, then in four years, he would be 1,460 years-old give or take a few.

Well, after he repeated his statement, I said, “Thank you for putting some thought into it, but we’ll talk about it when you’re older.” And I directly headed to the liquor aisle. I needed a drink!

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