Author Archive: Carmelina Hart

An Ill Advised Education

carmelinahart.com

As a parent, I have learned that every moment is a teaching moment, and as cliché as it is, it’s true.

Right now is back-to-school time and that means shopping. While we were in our second hour of searching for school supplies at the store, things started to get little crazy. Azul was singing and dancing to the brand names of spiral notebooks and I was seeing double. This was shopping insanity, of course surrounded by the ambience of fluorescent lights, screaming babies and confused parents.

Then came this …

“Yoobi!” My third grader sang as he struck a pose, looking right at me. I focused my gaze on him, and to a familiar tune replied, “You be illin’, don, don, don, don, don, don … ricky, ricky, rick!” (Of course emphasizing the last “rick” and air scratching on my air turntable.)

He had no idea what I was talking about (that scenario happens a lot between the two of us and it goes both ways), so with a quick Google search, the volume turned up – the education began. We listened to the music, walked through the store, focussed, no longer hearing the cries of babes.

Education is everywhere, and I truly do believe every child deserves the knowledge of Run DMC. This may become our new back-to-school anthem … (ricky, ricky, rick!)

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Dubbing The Dabbing

This is the “you’re showing your Mommy Moment again” look. Usually accompanied with a sigh.

Kids are great, they say the funniest things while learning how to navigate around language and social norms. The innocence of their errors is what makes it so amusing, and we get to make fun of them and it’s okay. As parents we all celebrate the openness and truth of children, and as a writer, I have taken advantage of this more than most.

So I knew this day would come, the day I would say something wrong (and I’m going to add, totally cute) instead of my child. Yes, my Mommy Moment* happened much sooner than anticipated.

 

“Mommy Moment: saying something not cool. This is an evolving definition, soon to morph into: saying anything at all.”

While trying to journey through the “new slang” the kids are saying “these days” (I know, I am sounding less and less cool as I continue), I stumbled and was immediately corrected by my eight year-old teacher of all-things-not-cool.

Now, I’m no Cam Newton, but in the middle of what I’m sure was a very stimulating conversation with my third grader, to make my point, I threw my bent elbow in the air and shouted, “Dub!” (Why did I even say that?!?)

I was obviously wrong in my attempt to be cool or talk like anyone considered to be cool, and it was immediately pointed out to me with nonverbal falling-on-the-floor laughter intertwined with DABBING! My action was later described by my 52 inch professor of cool as “cringe worthy.”

*Mommy Moment: saying something not cool. This is an evolving definition, soon to morph into: saying anything at all.

Fore Warned

I feel a little bit robbed.

I apparently have an abnormality, which I was not made aware of until recently. I possess  something so large, I was told to hide my monstrosity, before anyone of importance could see it. Why wasn’t I alerted to this previously? I have lived day in and day out for years without even thinking about it, but apparently it is so severe, it has interfered with my work. And now that it has been pointed out to me, my obsession over it is repeatedly hitting me head on.

Maybe I should consider it the opposite of an obstacle, maybe an endowment … it’s said that bigger is better. Right? What I feel like is the better part of a fool, one who so unknowingly and prominently has been displaying this freak of nature, like it was a natural occurrence.

My ignorance of this anomaly I have, has been taken from me and I want it back.

So, if you catch me staring at your forehead, forgive me, I’m not judging you, I’m judging me.

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