Tag Archives: humor

Fore Warned

I feel a little bit robbed.

I apparently have an abnormality, which I was not made aware of until recently. I possess  something so large, I was told to hide my monstrosity, before anyone of importance could see it. Why wasn’t I alerted to this previously? I have lived day in and day out for years without even thinking about it, but apparently it is so severe, it has interfered with my work. And now that it has been pointed out to me, my obsession over it is repeatedly hitting me head on.

Maybe I should consider it the opposite of an obstacle, maybe an endowment … it’s said that bigger is better. Right? What I feel like is the better part of a fool, one who so unknowingly and prominently has been displaying this freak of nature, like it was a natural occurrence.

My ignorance of this anomaly I have, has been taken from me and I want it back.

So, if you catch me staring at your forehead, forgive me, I’m not judging you, I’m judging me.

Advertisements

A Mother’s Day Story

When you become a parent, you learn very quickly, every moment becomes a teaching moment.

Today, when I picked my second grader up from school (really, I’m hoping most teaching moments are happening there), I received a hug and kiss, and we walked hand in hand together.

Then he asked, “You know who my favorite Greek god is?” Intrigued, I looked at his little face looking up at me.

“Dionysus, the god of wine, pleasure and theater.” Now impressed, I nodded and waited for him to continue.

“I can ask him for help on Mother’s Day.”

And that’s how you put all your teaching moments together!

All Your Eggs In One Basket

There is a lot of egg talk these days … it’s the season, I get it, it’s Easter. But, I never expected the egg conversation I had with my post-bath, naked eight year-old.

He approached me with a quizzical look on his face and his package in his hand. Yes, keeping track of that thing, as if it’s going to get lost, is a habit that starts young. He continued by asking, “In these two things is what makes a baby?” Oh no, not right now … 

I gulped and answered, “Yes, those are your testicles and they make what helps in making a baby. Stay calm.

“So, these are my eggs?” Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.

“No, women have eggs, you have sperm.” Whew that was an easy one. I got this. 

If I have two of them, does that mean I’ll have two babies?” Oh, my! I wonder if he thinks men that have six kids have six testicles? Or one kid with one?

“No, your body will make millions of sperm in your life time.” Why is this conversation not coming to an end?

“Ohhhh!?!” He blankly stared at me, then turned and left empty-handed.

%d bloggers like this: