Treat Your Children With Tenderizer
My little partner Azul and I recently went to a casual happy hour ping pong tournament to do some much-needed visiting and mingling with other adults. And yes, of course I took him, I take him everywhere with me, plus he really is a good little date and is now six years old. On the way home I said, “Thanks for being my date this evening.”
He replied in his high-pitched little kid voice, “You need to pay me.”
I said, “What? I need to pay you for taking you out? I’ll pay you with love and caring and tenderness.”
“I’d rather have a hundred dollars,” he announced.
“Yeah?” I said giggling and scrunching up my face in the rearview mirror so he could see my displeasure with his reaction.
Azul decided to change his tune and said, “Okay, I’ll take the love, and what else?”
“Caring and tenderness,” I answered in the sweetest mommy tone I could muster up.
All of a sudden he shuddered in his booster chair in the back and grabbed on to his seat belt as if it was the only thing he could find that would save him. “Ahhhhhh! No!” he said through his teeth and smiled fearfully.
“Why not?” I asked in confusion, while I turned around to look at my cowering child.
Still holding on to the “belt of life” (a.k.a. seat belt), he asked, “Doesn’t that mean to eat someone?”
“No, Babies” (I call him that sometimes), “not to tenderize in order to eat you. To be tender, which is to be soft and gentle.” And I touched his knee that was closest to the driver’s seat.
He relaxed, laughed and agreed, “Okay, love, caring and tenderness.”
First Things First
Azul has officially finished his first full week of all-day Kindergarten and experienced a lot of firsts.
The first of the “firsts” was getting worked. The first day of school, when I picked up my exhausted, smiley-faced big boy, the first thing he said to me was, “Man, they really work you there.”
Of course this is after months of being on Summer Break and a year of a pre-school, where their moto was “learning through play,” which actually meant, “we just play.” Azul has three years of experience in pre-school and knows the difference between working and not. And now he is getting worked! He has no idea.
Second, eating in the cafeteria. He is very excited about this and I am very excited not to have to make lunch for him anymore. The day he was talking about his cafeteria ritual with euphoria in his eyes, I knew he was in love. He had his very first Sloppy Joe. I know, he is almost six years old and never had a Sloppy Joe, but I just don’t cook like that. I guess the Red Rice and Organic Beans with Roasted Beets and Broccoli is no Sloppy Joe.
“What did you guys have for lunch?” I asked
“Sloppy Joes!” he excitedly answered.
I repeated, “Sloppy Joes?” more as a question than a statement.
“I loved that sweet meat!” he said with his eyes slightly closed and his head tilted back.
I can’t compete with “sweet meat.”
Third, how to behave on the playground. He’s familiar with playing at the playground and already experienced lots of playground time, but now he is a big Kindergartener.
“Guess what I did today?” he asked me, and I had visions of him counting to one hundred, forward and backward in front of the class, or reciting the Preamble to the Constitution when no one else could (he doesn’t really know the Preamble, it was just my parental fantasy).
“What?” I responded.
“I had a wicked fall!” He continued, “I felt like I was punched in the stomach, but I didn’t tell the teacher or anything, it wasn’t an emergency like bleeding or like that. I didn’t cry, I just played through the pain.” He was talking non-stop with some sense of pride.
“Oh, my!” was all I could think to say without bursting his bubble or ruining his story.
“Yeah, like you know that, like rock climbing wall? I slipped.”
I guess we all, like, have a wicked fall in school.
Finally for the week, bribery. Making friends is a hard thing to do, and some of us go to great lengths for friendship, but this is one had to be stopped before it got out of control and too expensive.
Azul talked about his new friends, although he couldn’t remember anyone’s name, and one boy in particular (again, the boy has a name he just doesn’t remember it) who is his best friend. As the conversation continued, I began to feel uncomfortable as it took a turn for the worse. Apparently, Azul asked this boy if he wanted to play and the boy said no, so Azul promised him twenty bucks to be his friend. Well, the monetary offer worked and they played and had the time of their lives.
I didn’t pay out the “gentleman’s agreement!”
“Firsts” are awesome, they are the moments you always remember, or at least the things others remember when all you want to do is forget.
I can’t wait for next week…
Hall Pass
“Choose your battles” is advice every parent hears and practices at one time or another, and then there are the arguments you don’t even want to have to choose what to do, so you just give up.
Tonight my five year-old is sleeping in the hall in his newly constructed fort right outside our bedroom. He did a good job with three dining room chairs for walls, a blanket roof and sheets and pillows for the floor.
Azul presented his argument for sleeping in the hall by assuming it was already going to happen, saying “Since I’m obviously sleeping here tonight, I set up my turtle light.” His turtle light is his stuffed nightlight which is shaped like, well, a turtle. I appreciated his approach and thought that alone deserved some reward; besides, I had already come to the conclusion that I didn’t care where he slept tonight.
When it was eight, zero, zero and time for bed he settled into his fort and I turned off all the lights and laid down in my own bed. Again — I just gave up!
At this point you can decide to be the parent who paces around nervously, followed by a walk in the hall, a toe stubbing, an expletive and finally a conversation with your child on why they would be more comfortable in their own bed (actually meaning that YOU will be more comfortable if they are in their own bed), or you can be the parent who giggles in bed while listening to it all.
The choice is yours, good night and good luck!
Carmelina Hart 