See Dick Run
Over the years, I have put a lot of effort into explaining, to the point of exhaustion, the meanings of and reasons behind the existence of almost everything, to my now seven year-old son. Kids are like little sponges, and their curiosity for understanding is so super cool, that I try my best to answer Azul’s questions as completely as possible; and if I don’t have a reply, I take the time for us to look it up together. Any topic can be put forth and jointly we have talked about subjects like death, religion, Star Wars and even what it means to be a dick.
The latter topic came up because I recently ordered the book, How Not To Be A Dick. In addition to all the talking we do, we also read constantly and the book was in a stack of mail on the kitchen counter.
Azul must have reflected on the book title for a few days, because he didn’t immediately ask, “What is this, How Not To Be A Dick book about?”
At this point I have had plenty of experience in expounding, so I jumped right in.
“It’s a book on etiquette, but it’s also a reflection of the comedic value of common sense. There are a few things that come into play to make it funny and the first is the title. There is a classic kids book called Dick and Jane which was used to teach good behavior. Good behavior is also called etiquette. In addition, Dick is the little boy’s name in the story and Dick is a nickname for Richard. So many Richards use the shorter version, Dick. But, dick can also be a bad word because dick is slang for penis, so if you call someone a dick you’re actually calling them a penis. Which is not very nice and you shouldn’t call people names, especially a penis, because that’s just weird. But, that’s why it’s humorous, you can read the title in a couple of ways, as not to be a Dick as in, the little boy Richard in the story book, or not to be a dick as in, a penis.”
I could have kept going if I weren’t loudly interrupted with, “Can you stop talking now?!”
I’m not sure if that was a question or a request, or maybe an emphatic statement, but I do know who needs to read this book next.
Gym Space
I do understand the whole “judgment free zone” thing, but really that’s not how I roll! So, the other day at the gym, I was on the treadmill which is near the back of the room with a good view of the other gym rats, all of us going nowhere on our elliptical machines, stationary bikes and treadmills. While running in place, yes sometimes I watch my contemporaries come and go and wonder what their deal is; why are they working out, what are they listening to, what do they do for a living which allows them to be at the gym at nine in the morning? Sometimes I make up scenarios for them, but I routinely do this to people no matter where I am. I’m just a people watcher and have an active imagination.
Well, this recent interaction, not with me, with two others I was watching left me confused. A couple of “guys” came in together, you know those guys at the gym who obviously need to be there, but act loud and obnoxious as if that behavior is going to distract you from the fact that they have disregarded their appearance since graduating high school. Well, those guys both got on elliptical machines, but skipped the one in between the two of them. Why?
Much of men’s behavior baffles me, but I think I might understand the “seat skipper” at a sporting event, but not at the gym. In stadiums the bucket seats are small and you are forced to be very close, so if there are enough seats available, just skip a seat. Right? Now, I am not a seat skipper, but I fit in a seat fairly comfortably and it doesn’t bother me to sit close to the person next to me either. Although I don’t do it, I can see why it is done.
Now back to the gym, these guys continue to talk to each other, but now they are breathing heavily and yelling in order to enable their voices to carry over the elliptical moat they’ve created. There is ample space between the machines and they are big enough to accommodate a large man, so why? Everyone knew they were there to work out together, they brought that attention upon themselves and then when they finished their 15 minute trek, they left together. So, they obviously weren’t afraid to be seen together and were friends.
Then shortly after they left, I watched two young women come in together and get on their sequential machines. They didn’t have to create a buffer zone between them and they were able to have a conversation we all didn’t have to hear. This made sense to me.
What’s the deal guys? I was so stricken by the “seat skipper” behavior, I forgot to make up a story for them. Still confused!
Carmelina Hart 