As a mom I discover new things every day and today’s lesson was the fact that I have a new superpower. Like many Superheroes, I was unaware of my power until in an act of agony, it revealed itself to me and now I will never be the same …
My story begins with my nemesis, Azul. Like most boys, he loves to wrestle and play fight and I like it too. I have really capitalized on being bigger and stronger than a little kid. I can hold him upside down by his ankles, pick him up and throw him on the couch, hold him up in the air with my feet or tickle him till he gives. I dominated or at least kept up with him until recently.
He’s now six and a half years-old, and he’s getting bigger and stronger every day. I am still able to use the claw, where I hold his forehead with my palm and keep him away by locking my arm. But now I am the one who has to give in before someone gets hurt. And yes — when I say someone I mean me.
In our latest battle, he had me down, I was laughing and in tears. He had all his weight on my chest with my hands caught under him. In desperation with almost nothing left to give, I lifted my head and kissed him!
He screamed, “Did you get lipstick on me?” I didn’t, but I wasn’t going to tell him that, this was my opportunity and I took it. I was a kissing machine gun and got him good, leaving him covered in lipstick.
Victory and the revelation of my superpower was my destiny, I won the fight and now every time we play, the one thing he’s afraid of (at least for now) is my new superpower, LIPSTICK!
Well, well, well…I think I just set my six year-old up on a date!? Maybe.
I do know that I just gave Azul’s phone number out to a girl. To be fair, I actually gave my number to another little girl’s mom, but for some reason the exchange made me feel like Jim Lange ready to throw out a kiss at the end of “The Dating Game” to solidify the new relationship.
Announcer: “Here is the star of our game, Azul’s mommy!” I gleefully walk out on stage, microphone in hand, a skip in my step and a wave for the studio audience.
Announcer: “Now welcome bachelor number one. He is six, in kindergarten and his favorite class is P.E.”
Announcer: “And let’s say hello to our lovely bachelorette, she is also in kindergarten, has blonde hair and freckles!”
I’m not exactly sure what happened, most of the real conversation was mute to me because I had The Dating Game scenario playing in my head. It all started very innocently.
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve ever officially met,” said the mini bachelorette’s mom as she approached me on the playground after school and introduced herself.
“Hi!” I responded as I stood up to shake her hand and continued the introductions. “I’m Carmelina.” At this point the interaction was similar to every other conversation I have had with other classmate’s parents.
“You know my daughter talks about Azul all the time. She really likes him, as you can see, they’re always playing together. We should get together for a play date.” She pointed them out playing tag or chase or something. I turned my head to see them playing and then back to her with a knowing smile on my face.
“Yeah, that sounds awesome,” I answered. I’m not sure what part of what she just said triggered it, but this is when my mind started doing its own thing and The Dating Game was on!
Bachelorette: “Describe your idea of the perfect play date.”
The mom continued, “Maybe one day Azul can come over to our house to play and you can pick him up later.”
“Sure, yeah. You guys just live down the street, right?” I said slowly, still smiling and now nodding. Then there was some talk about where both of us live, but I was focused on the game show playing in my head.
Bachelorette: “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
“You know we think Azul is so nice and sweet. Our daughter told us he was the best behaved kid in class.” She was definitely more involved in the conversation than I was. I just stood there, my stance as dependable as a bobble head on the dash of a car.
“Thanks,” I said, smiling and nodding.
Bachelorette: “My mother is very protective, how would you describe yourself to her to make a good impression?”
“Let me get your number and I’ll text you, then you’ll have mine,” she said, grabbing her phone as the mini bachelorette came running up.
“Okay,” I responded and gave her my number and waved good-bye, as she and the mini bachelorette walked away hand in hand, leaving me standing alone at the playground dumbfounded.
Announcer: “Well it seems as if you kids are off to a great start!”
Everyone throws a kiss in unison, “MMMMUAH!”
What just happened?