“AWKWARD”
Yesterday Azul was telling me about some trouble Curious George was getting into on the latest episode, and in the middle of the story he used “air quotes.”
I can’t stand air quotes, almost as much as I can’t stand the over use of the word “literally.” Both of them are unnecessary. If you are quoting someone in a story you usually mention that and there is no use for air quotes, and if you are explaining someone’s actions, you don’t need to say it literally happened. None the less, I got air quoted by my five year-old.
“Did you just air quote me?” I asked, interrupting his story.
“Whaaaat? You mean this?” was his response and he quickly did it again.
With my arms in the air, shaking my head from side to side, with a big smile of my face, I said, “Yeeees!”
While he was getting ready to respond, it was as if everything turned to slow motion. His little fingers were moving into peace signs and he began, “I though it meant…” And up came the peace signs to the side of his head and the slow fold of his fingers. He literally did it again while saying, “Awkward.”
AARRUUGGHHH! Oh it was “awkward!”
Rage Against The Machine
Azul, like most five year-olds is very observant and curious, a behavior I have always tried to encourage until today.
While we were shopping for a birthday present at a bookstore for an upcoming birthday party, the first stop we made when we got there was to the ladies room. After taking care of our business, he noticed something he had never seen before. The shiny silver machine calling to him like a leprechaun to a pot of gold, with its knobs and small shelf, all things he couldn’t wait to touch. In a daze of fascination he walked over to his new-found treasure.
“Mommy, what is this for?” His curiosity was taking over.
I replied in a short, I don’t want to talk about this tone, “Tampons.” I didn’t expect there would be a follow-up question, but of course there was.
“What are tampons?” He asked in his high-pitched little voice.
Ugh! Was what I was thinking, but, “things ladies use,” was all I could think of to say at that moment while I held his hand and escorted him out. Damn you Barnes and Noble!
Well, I guess I could count myself lucky, at least he didn’t have any quarters.
On Guard!
For some odd reason last weekend, my husband decided he was going to be the bad influence on my five year-old instead of me, and I am not comfortable with this. That is my job! His job is to be the safe and stable parent.
“We are shooting Craps!” my husband repeatedly said to me.
“Okay” was my answer to every announcement. I was not upset with the game they were playing, but how he kept reminding me what he was teaching our son. I’m fine with dice games; there are a lot of skills that are needed to successfully play. Counting and recognizing the dots on the dice, determining the value of each coin for the bet, and understanding what numbers were needed to win, all just seemed like a math lesson. And Azul was having fun.
But it was like a challenge was being issued, a figurative “On guard!” before the swords were drawn. I am not one to back down from a challenge, especially when regarding my son, and I don’t know what I’m going to do yet to redeem my position, but when I come up with something, it will teach my husband a lesson for sure! On guard indeed.
Carmelina Hart 