Boy Enforcements
At the age of five, almost six, Azul has made a very important life decision and I think we both may have contributed to it. My contribution: taking him everywhere with me, watching the news while he is in the room and being very open with him while we are talking. And his contribution: HE IS FIVE!
There is no question he can’t ask, and I have tried to reinforce that ever since he started talking. So, he is good at asking when he doesn’t understand something and he pays attention to very minute details. Now, not every question is answered to its fullest, but enough to understand the basics. Also, being an only child he is around a lot of adults and therefore adult conversations.
One current topic of conversation was having babies. My sister just had twins and we went through the “baby talk” and the fact that babies are in the mother’s belly and when they are born they come out. EEK! You can read that uncomfortable conversation at Oh Baby!. His concern and I guess what he understood was, it hurt! He decided that, “I never want to give birth to a baby.” So, I explained that women have the babies and not the men. That seemed to get him through and ease his mind. Ugh, men!
Another current event covered in the News a lot lately is same-sex marriage equality. I explained to Azul what that means legally and for the people who want to be married. He never had a problem with this or questioned it at any point; it is amazing how intuitive children can be.
The third idea to throw into the mix is adoption. A little over a year ago we had new next-door neighbors move in who have a little girl, Nadia, who is originally from Guatemala and was adopted when she was an infant. She is now eight and the two of them play together all the time. It is cute to watch them. Of course he had some questions and this idea of adoption intrigued my astute five year-old. I’m not sure what he was thinking when we talked about this, but again it seemed like his concern was over pain and how neither parent had to go through it.
He is now five, two months away from being six, and the one thing he does not like is GIRLS! Not even Nadia, he would never admit she was his friend. He calls his friends who are boys his “boyfriends,” and I’ve referred to girls who are his friends as “girlfriends,” and his reply is always the same, “I wouldn’t go that far!” Meaning they are just girls. When I asked why, he answered, “because sometimes you need boy enforcements!” Again, ugh, men!
Put all this together in a developing brain, where all ideas are new and original thoughts are original, and you get the proclamation, “I’m going to marry a man. And adopt a baby!”
“Really?” was my response, while I paused my dinner prep and looked up at him.
“Yes, I don’t like girls and I don’t want to have a baby, that will hurt. And I’ll adopt a baby.” He said it very matter-of-factly, as if he had put some thought into it and this was his conclusion.
He had it all set out, so the only thing left for me to do was compliment him on his thought process and continue with dinner. Huh? I wonder if we should have peas or corn tonight.
Sobering Truth
One of the interesting things about being a mom is you can relate to other moms. You will have personal conversations with women who are total strangers and these conversations range from funny and cool, to totally uncomfortable, and they can happen anywhere at any time. Mine was this afternoon, in line at the deli waiting to order sandwiches. Azul was with me, of course, and the older woman behind us started the conversation with, “He is adorable.” I gave the polite nod and a “Thank you.” She continued, “I remember when my sons were that age, they’re adults now, but when they are that age, they just love you and think you’re great and there is no better connection than a boy with his mom. Then they become teenagers and they don’t want to have anything to do with you and don’t even like you, like they did when they were little. Oh, the teenage years are rough, then they become adults and love you again and tell you, you were right and you weren’t so hard on them when they were teenagers and they really appreciate what you’ve done for them.” She continued talking without taking a breath or a break for me to join in the conversation. So, I waited, listening, smiling and nodding. Then I said, “Well, I plan to spend his teenage years much like I spent my own…drunk.” Not sure if it was a laugh or an awkward snicker I got in return.
Carmelina Hart 