Running Scared
I am going to start this by saying something I thought I would never say, “the other day when I was running,” now the rest happens to me all the time, “I needed to pee.”
The running part is new to me, it is amazing what your body can do when your favorite hobby, smoking, is no longer a part of your life. I am working myself up (and no not in the way that I would need a cigarette after) to running a half marathon. That is about thirteen miles, and I am feeling a little intimidated, but I am ready to do it. I ran a few 5ks and a 10k, so I thought I would step it up and get beyond six miles. The problem is I always need to pee. Usually I deal with this urge by knowing where every public restroom is, and I have no problem peeing on the side of the road during a road or camping trip.
So, about five miles in, sure enough, I needed to go and started to evaluate the situation.
In my favor: I was running in an area called the “Bosque,” meaning woodlands or forest, which in the drought-riddled high desert of Albuquerque, New Mexico is actually ”trees near the river.” And trees are good when you gotta go and it looks like this…
Against me: I didn’t want to get caught with my pants down and it made me think of this local story from last year, where a runner was caught on security cameras crapping in someone’s yard.
Now, in my defense, I was nowhere near that point, but whatever, I still didn’t want to be recorded peeing and later seen on the local news, with or without the blurry bubble covering my face. What if I was recognized with my pants around my ankles? No, thank you!
This led me to think: First, who was actually watching me? I don’t think there are cameras out here, but maybe the City has some secret Bosque watch party going on, I don’t know. Second, there are a lot of animals who live out here and I didn’t want to run into one of them. What actually lives out here? I’ve seen rabbits and squirrels and snakes, random birds, but what else? I wouldn’t want to experience a beaver to beaver encounter while I was relieving myself.
No, I can hold it…I really need to pee!
Then I started to think about the people who live here. There are a lot of stories about the homeless who live in the Bosque and I certainly did not want to urinate in their dwelling.
I’m fine…Oh, who am I kidding I am going to pee my pants!
So I started to scope it out again and look for a good place to stop. I didn’t see anyone, fellow visitors or inhabitants in the area, and thought this is my chance, my moment to take care of things and then continue running in peace. Then I saw him…
A coyote! WTF! I wasn’t even sure at first because it was so skinny, which of course means it’s hungry.
I had a feeling the dependable Bugs Bunny anvil would not be falling from the sky to stop him, so I ran! Not sure if it was my bladder or the wildlife, but I ran eight miles that day. Next time I will probably just pee myself.
Caution: Don’t Eat The Grass!
This afternoon when I picked Azul up from Pre-school, we went through our regular question and answer routine, what committee were you in today, what song did you sing in music class, who hit who on the playground, same thing we do every commute home.
Once we finalized our afternoon formalities my five year-old said, “We need something to bring in that is like Spring.” Trying to clarify I said, “For show-n-tell?” He replied, “Yes something about Spring and I have an idea.” Testing him, I responded with sarcasm, “What, a snowman?” Laughing his response at me he said, “No crazy. I need you to get me a Tupperware and a top and I’m going to put grass in it. Grass means Spring.” I said, “Oh, awesome you want to bring in some vegetation.” I like to throw different words at him to expand his vocabulary. He usually throws something back at me to lower my expectations!
“Yes, that’s my idea. But, don’t eat the grass because sometimes I pee on it.” Closing my eyes and tilting my head back in amazement I replied, “Thanks for the warning.”
He then went on to explain the difference in how boys and girls pee on the grass. “Girls have to stick out their butts and go tsssss! Boys just stand and pee anywhere like this, tsssss!” Although correct, I hope he doesn’t go into the latter part of the grass explanation during his show-n-tell presentation.
My Cherub
Every once in a while, in the middle of a conversation, Azul will make a mad dash to the back door, open it, and run outside to the grass to pee. He does know not to go on the patio or the flowers, so that’s a good thing, I guess. This last time this happened, when he came back in, I asked him, “Why do you pee outside instead of going to the bathroom?” He answered, still pulling up his pants, “I like peeing outside!” Resigned, all I could say was, “Okay.”
Carmelina Hart 