A Fairy Tail…
“I’m going to tell you a fairy tale, okay?” Azul said cuddling up to me.
“Oh, I love fairy tales, please do!” I responded with bated breath, I was excited that my six year-old wanted to tell his OWN story. All I was thinking while patting myself on the back was, All that reading has really paid off. And, I am the best mom ever!
He started, “Once upon a time there was a baby and he loved teddy bears. So one day the baby pooped out a teddy bear and he ate him, poop and all because he loved him.” Followed by laughter and his hand immediately over his mouth in a weak attempt to pretend he didn’t have this all planned out. My eyes were wide and eyebrows raised.
“That’s gross!” I immediately responded. Ugh! Poop! Why does it always lead to poop? Over the years I have come to expect this, but I will never fully accept it, boys love poop.
Although short, the story did have many typical aspects of fairy tales: babies, animals, love. And there was some action, pooping and eating.
The laughter continued and he finally said, “I love to gross you out! It’s funny.” The embrace was cut short and he went about his business still laughing.
Boys…as long as it ends in poop it is funny!?
You’re in…trouuuble!
There is an interesting phenomenon that happens in the parent/child relationship and it has held its potency over the ages. It’s the moment your mom is so mad at you, you get called by your full name! I shudder thinking about it. We all understand that as the universal sign of, “Oh no, I’m in BIG trouble and need to respond immediately.” And with head hanging low, knowing the fun is over, we do.
So, a few days ago Azul and I were out and about, and we ran into some of my friends, so we stopped to talk with them. I know I can talk a lot, and sometimes if the conversation is good I can really talk a lot.
I guess Azul was feeling a little impatient with the amount of time I was taking and all of a sudden I heard, “CARMELINA HART!!!” My six year-old was yelling at me, a stern look on his face and clenched fists at his sides.
He pulled the old mom trick on me and it worked. I knew I was in trouble. I said my good-byes and responded to him immediately, thinking, Ugh! He never lets me have any fun.
The Dating Game?
Throwing out a kiss, MUAH!
Well, well, well…I think I just set my six year-old up on a date!? Maybe.
I do know that I just gave Azul’s phone number out to a girl. To be fair, I actually gave my number to another little girl’s mom, but for some reason the exchange made me feel like Jim Lange ready to throw out a kiss at the end of “The Dating Game” to solidify the new relationship.
Cue applause.
Announcer: “Here is the star of our game, Azul’s mommy!” I gleefully walk out on stage, microphone in hand, a skip in my step and a wave for the studio audience.
Continue applause.
Announcer: “Now welcome bachelor number one. He is six, in kindergarten and his favorite class is P.E.”
More applause.
Announcer: “And let’s say hello to our lovely bachelorette, she is also in kindergarten, has blonde hair and freckles!”
Applause fades.
I’m not exactly sure what happened, most of the real conversation was mute to me because I had The Dating Game scenario playing in my head. It all started very innocently.
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve ever officially met,” said the mini bachelorette’s mom as she approached me on the playground after school and introduced herself.
“Hi!” I responded as I stood up to shake her hand and continued the introductions. “I’m Carmelina.” At this point the interaction was similar to every other conversation I have had with other classmate’s parents.
“You know my daughter talks about Azul all the time. She really likes him, as you can see, they’re always playing together. We should get together for a play date.” She pointed them out playing tag or chase or something. I turned my head to see them playing and then back to her with a knowing smile on my face.
“Yeah, that sounds awesome,” I answered. I’m not sure what part of what she just said triggered it, but this is when my mind started doing its own thing and The Dating Game was on!
Bachelorette: “Describe your idea of the perfect play date.”
The mom continued, “Maybe one day Azul can come over to our house to play and you can pick him up later.”
“Sure, yeah. You guys just live down the street, right?” I said slowly, still smiling and now nodding. Then there was some talk about where both of us live, but I was focused on the game show playing in my head.
Bachelorette: “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
“You know we think Azul is so nice and sweet. Our daughter told us he was the best behaved kid in class.” She was definitely more involved in the conversation than I was. I just stood there, my stance as dependable as a bobble head on the dash of a car.
“Thanks,” I said, smiling and nodding.
Bachelorette: “My mother is very protective, how would you describe yourself to her to make a good impression?”
“Let me get your number and I’ll text you, then you’ll have mine,” she said, grabbing her phone as the mini bachelorette came running up.
“Okay,” I responded and gave her my number and waved good-bye, as she and the mini bachelorette walked away hand in hand, leaving me standing alone at the playground dumbfounded.
Announcer: “Well it seems as if you kids are off to a great start!”
Applause.
Everyone throws a kiss in unison, “MMMMUAH!”
More applause.
What just happened?
Carmelina Hart 