What Do You Get When You Cross a Tree With A Sheep?
Now that Azul is in the first grade, homework is a little more difficult for him, and occasionally more difficult for me to understand. Last night while he was doing his homework and I was doing mine (going through his backpack, finding any stray papers, parental notifications and random permission slips I have to sign), I found something that left me at a loss. This is not a masterpiece created in Art class by my seven year-old, but a photocopy of something they were doing in class or a continuation of a classroom project to be finished at home, I don’t know. I asked Azul what it was and he didn’t know, so … baaaa!
I’m sure the easiest way to solve this would be to simply ask the teacher what it is. There is no way I’m going to do that, that would be embarrassing.
What happened on day 13? The sheep would never have humped the tree? Right? Would that make a treep?!? BAAAA!!!
Cat’s Out Of The Bag
One thing I always try to do as a parent is listen to and understand what my now seven year-old is saying. This can be difficult, because sometimes I just don’t care, but then there are times when I am more than enthusiastic to ask for additional details. And sometimes it’s just uncomfortably funny!
“I call him a pussy zombie. Not like pussy, pussy, but just pussy.” Azul began to explain a conversation he was obviously already having in his head. Huh? I didn’t know what was going on, it’s kind of like arriving late to a party where everyone is already drunk.
Trying to get my bearings while also trying not to sound alarmed, I asked, “What does pussy, pussy mean?”
With the roll of his eyes he said, “You know …”
“Like a cat?” Please be a cat, please be a cat.
“Yeah, a cat,” he replied before cracking up laughing.
He watches a lot of British Minecraft tutorial videos on YouTube, and Europeans seem to be much more free with saying that word than Americans are, because of course it means a cat.
“Well, I’m fine with you using that word, but you may not want to repeat it at school because you know what else pussy means?”
“No,” was his answer, following an audible sigh.
Unconsciously I mimicked his deep breath and being as serious as possible I said, “It could be used as slang for a woman’s vagina.”
“Ooooooooohhhh!”
He was embarrassed; eyes open, hand to mouth, bent over at the waist, run out of the room as quickly as you can, embarrassed!
Leave it to the sober guy to ruin the party.
A Sinister Schedule
Like most families, in order to keep things orderly and secure, we have established patterns we follow on a daily basis. My six year-old, probably more than other children, is dependent on a schedule and any deviation from it makes him uncomfortable. Okay, he’s pretty high-strung about it, and sometimes it makes me want to just curl up in a little ball! He has always felt more comfortable knowing what is going to happen in advance and then sticking to it.
Our pre-dinner routine usually consists of watching the hilarious fictitious antics of three scientists and an engineer. I cook and Azul plays on his Kindle while we listen and laugh, not believing (and for some of us occasionally not understanding) the silly things they say.
Recently, we added an alarming new tradition to our enjoyable evening. I jump in front of the TV yelling repeatedly, “Don’t watch, don’t listen, don’t watch, don’t listen,” while Azul scrunches his face and closes his eyes with his fingers in his ears.
Thanks Sinister 2.
Carmelina Hart 