I see London, I see France, I see Mommy’s … WHAT?
Ever since my six year-old has been wearing underpants, we also call them “big boys,” there has been continuing conversation about the clothes we wear under our clothes. I am not shy about running around the house in my underwear, and I’m open to Azul doing the same. He is very comfortable with his body (he’s just a little boy — an innocent, sweet thing) and I want to reinforce that behavior for as long as I can. So, it’s basically a free-for-all here, clothing optional.
A new conversation in our house started recently about American Horror Story, which my husband and I have been watching, starting with the first season. I know we are jumping on this bandwagon a little late, but we’re on it now, at full speed.
Azul became very curious about our newly found addiction to freaks on TV, because of course, he is NOT watching it with us. He knows it’s scary and inappropriate for him, and most importantly, he know there is no chance of him ever seeing it! But he does want to be able to talk about the fact that he knows it exists by interjecting the little that he understands about the show in casual conversation.
So, when you put all of this together, you get a typical underpants conversation with me making fun of Azul’s “big boys” and add in a little horror with Azul’s comeback.
“Your underpants are a WHORE!” was what he said to me.
Once I stopped laughing, I asked him to repeat what he had just said. Just in case I heard wrong.
I heard right.
So, through a giggling voice I asked, “Do you know what the word whore means?”
“Yes.” He responded with the utmost certainty. Then, with his best ghost impersonation continued, “It’s something scaaary.”
“Oh, Horror!” I repeated in relief. “I get it, my underpants are a horror, and they are scary. Yes. That’s funny. Good comeback. H-O-R-R-O-R.”
My real life American mommy horror story!
Mommy Mania
I never set out to be a stay-at-home mom, it just kind of happened. Most of my son’s life I have worked. I worked while I was pregnant, I worked through his infancy, and I was working on his first day of Pre-school (way back in 2011). Things are now different and I am not reporting to a job in the traditional sense. This summer Azul, my five year-old, was my job, and like many of my other jobs, I took it very seriously.
Azul was on Summer Break from school and now a stay-at-home kid, and I was not working and therefore a stay-at-home mom. Our circumstances and titles brought us together, but the last thing we were going to do was stay at home!
This is when “Mommy Mania” began. I set out from the beginning to do as much as possible and expose him to as many learning experiences as I could. The learning was actually the easy part because at this age any experience is a learning one, the doing was harder. We tried to get out of the house at least five times a week, some weeks were better than others, and then there were the lazy, all day in our pajamas days too. But overall we got dressed, ready and were out and about!
Ready, set, go…Let the madness begin!
The first day of Summer Break, the first thing we did, first thing in the morning was play putt-putt. We were the first ones there, just before 10 a.m. when they opened. We golfed two games of 18 holes, had pizza and soda, because Azul was starving at 10:30 in the morning and ready for lunch, and acted as if we hadn’t eaten breakfast just two hours earlier. This was the first time Azul had putt-putted, a nice way to kick off Mommy Mania.
There were some activities we really took advantage of and did a lot, like play dates, going out to lunch, feeding the ducks at various duck ponds around town, catching the first matinée showings at the movie theater, lots of baseball games at the Albuquerque Isotopes Stadium, eating gallons of ice cream, and Azul’s favorite, pool time.
We attended weekly activities at the Albuquerque Bernalillo County Library where Azul’s Daddy works. And discovered he now wants to be a Librarian just like his Daddy.
He participated in gymnastics classes, swimming classes, and one of the coolest Summer Programs around. He was involved in a production of the Sound of Music performed solely by children in grades k-8.
We were lucky enough to be able to go out-of-town a few times this summer. Azul and I visited my Aunt Jeannette’s pecan farm in southern New Mexico, where we lived the farm life for a couple of days and went to a Rodeo in El Paso one night. Our family camped at Cochiti Lake in New Mexico and spent a week at Waikiki Beach in Hawaii. Azul was surprised how quick our red-eye flight was coming back compared to the trip over, saying, “They didn’t even have the movie or serve us any drinks it was so fast!” Of course, although he adamantly denies it, he slept for the entire flight home.
Azul did earn some money this summer at a yard sale we held with our neighbors. He picked some old toys he didn’t play with anymore, set them out in the morning and worked the sale when people came by to peer at our goods. He was quite the salesman and able to keep all the money he made.
Because of the warm and sometimes really hot weather in Albuquerque it is easy to enjoy the outdoors by walking and biking the Bosque Trail. At other times we visited the Albuquerque Botanic Garden, Albuquerque Aquarium and Tingley Aquatic Park. While at Tingley we rented a pedal boat and were able to pedal around while followed by a flock of ducks! And we loved seeing all the baby animals at the Rio Grande Zoo.
When it was too hot, we spent hours at The Natural History Museum and Explora Science Center, the hands-on children’s museum. My favorite indoor activity was going roller skating! I don’t think I had been skating in over twenty years and I know that was Azul’s first skating experience. Every time we knocked each other down, off our skates, it took us a while to get up because we were laughing so hard. One day, courtesy of PBS, we even met The Cat In The Hat.
Then there was our trip to Cliff’s Amusement Park, where after riding every ride his height allowed, we rode the roller coaster eight more times — IN A ROW! We also went to an indoor playground called Monkey Mania. I preferred it when we took a friend with us, then I didn’t have to slouch through the spongy maze made for little people who actually wanted to do this.
One of the last things on the list was to visit a Fire Station. I got ahold of an old friend from high school (so, yes, old) who was a firefighter and he set up a tour for Azul. He got to sit in the truck, pull the horn, turn on the lights and even got to talk on the PA system at the station. All he kept saying was, “cool,” over and over. When we left, I asked him if he wanted to be a Fireman when he grew up and he replied, “No I still want to be a Librarian and work at the Library.”
I will never be able to repeat this summer, but it was fun while it lasted, and although it is still August, sunny and 90 degrees outside, with our last trip to get mani-pedis together, my summer solstice has set. Mommy Mania has come to an end and my constant companion is now going to All-day Kindergarten. Whew, I’m tired!
The weeks leading up the start of school were bittersweet for me. Tears rolled down my cheeks more than once while I reflected on how fortunate I was to spend so much time with Azul and looked to the future where there is less time for us to be together. In his beautiful attempt to comfort me he said, “You might get lucky and when I get sick you will have some bonus days with me!”
My little friend will soon be six years old, in his new school, with his summer experiences under his belt and new titles to claim, he is moving on. And I am returning to my old title of stay-at-home mom and get to look forward to sick days?! Ugh…
A Dirty Job
I have been a mommy for five years, ten months and 2 days, and I have also been dirty for five years, ten months and 2 days. It is an odd coincidence, that the dirtiness starts immediately with parenthood, and you won’t even know what hit you, but one day you’ll look in the mirror and see the white crusty spit-up you have been wearing proudly like a well-planned accessory on your shoulder all day without noticing. And spit-up is not the worst of it, you’ll be peed on, pooped on and puked on, the sad fact being you get used to wearing the “Three Ps” and then eventually come to expect it.
During your child’s infancy your primary adornment will be mostly involuntary bodily excretions. But soon your little blessing will start to develop hand coordination, which of course means dirty hands. They will grab, touch and hug you, which is one of the best parts of being a parent, but they also grab food, dirt and any and everything sticky. So when those chubby little arms wrap around your face and you are getting the best hug you’ve ever received, you’re also getting a facial of sloppy wet teething cookie infused with cat hair.
And the dirt seems to grow along with your child, taking on a life of its own. Sometimes you won’t even be able to identify it or figure out its original origins. This is most obvious during the next milestone, crawling. When mobility starts, all of a sudden you will notice first of all how dirty your floors are, then how much of that stuff gathers on your pants right around the ankles. It moves up your legs and to your knees like a vine circling round and climbing, finally ending with little blooms of hand prints on your derriere.
Through the years those hands get bigger and so do other parts like that cute little nose and all the things it holds. You will soon become a human tissue and the preferred one as well. And when you squat down to hug your little “big-kid,” who is running toward you at full speed, you make contact and then in all the excitement, an unexpected sneeze! With a wipe of their face on your sleeve, a new embellishment rests there.
Wear your badge proudly parents. It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it!
Carmelina Hart 