I am well aware of the fact that there will come a day when my now six year-old will no longer play with me, and my innocent request for fun will be greeted with a deep sigh, roll of the eyes and the dreaded “Maaahm.” But until then he is mine to do as I please, or until I get in trouble.
Recently I have found another way to amuse myself at the expense of my child (yes, I mean play) … and it’s awesome! This may not be new to you, but it is to us, and it’s called Dubsmash. If you’ve never wasted countless hours of your busy day on this app, you are certainly missing out.
It’s basically a video app where you record yourself during a short audio clip (only a few seconds) and there are hundreds of audio clips to choose from. Now, any responsible parent would go through the clips in advance and edit out the more obscene options before including your child in this activity, and believe me, there are a lot of questionable clips. I would imagine doing so would be similar to the way the Motion Picture Association of America rates movies, so you know which ones to watch with your underage child and which have “material not suitable for children.” Or you can just jump right in with your six year-old and start recording and listening to any and all material without any worries. The choice is all yours.
The “jump right in” option, by the way, is hilarious if you think watching your innocent little blessing mouth the words to something dirty is funny, because to them they are just words, words without meaning. After all, you haven’t really taken the time to define what “cocksucker” means until he says it in front of your husband, who doesn’t find that behavior quite as funny as you do, and you get in trouble for promoting “vulgar” behavior, not instilling a sense of humor, which is what you thought you were doing because you think humor is an important trait. Ugh! That’s just one hypothetical situation that could happen if you do not edit your audio clips in advance, again the choice is all yours.
Well anyway, this is Azul’s favorite, rated “A” (by the yes I’ve already checked it for content association) for ALL to enjoy! He loves this song, chose his own prop and stayed right on beat. (Really, it’s okay to click on, it’s not dirty, I’ve learned my lesson from the above, totally made-up scenario.)
As a mom I discover new things every day and today’s lesson was the fact that I have a new superpower. Like many Superheroes, I was unaware of my power until in an act of agony, it revealed itself to me and now I will never be the same …
My story begins with my nemesis, Azul. Like most boys, he loves to wrestle and play fight and I like it too. I have really capitalized on being bigger and stronger than a little kid. I can hold him upside down by his ankles, pick him up and throw him on the couch, hold him up in the air with my feet or tickle him till he gives. I dominated or at least kept up with him until recently.
He’s now six and a half years-old, and he’s getting bigger and stronger every day. I am still able to use the claw, where I hold his forehead with my palm and keep him away by locking my arm. But now I am the one who has to give in before someone gets hurt. And yes — when I say someone I mean me.
In our latest battle, he had me down, I was laughing and in tears. He had all his weight on my chest with my hands caught under him. In desperation with almost nothing left to give, I lifted my head and kissed him!
He screamed, “Did you get lipstick on me?” I didn’t, but I wasn’t going to tell him that, this was my opportunity and I took it. I was a kissing machine gun and got him good, leaving him covered in lipstick.
Victory and the revelation of my superpower was my destiny, I won the fight and now every time we play, the one thing he’s afraid of (at least for now) is my new superpower, LIPSTICK!
Recently our mornings are a little more hectic than normal, we run out of time to get all of our morning ablutions completed, arguments and tears ensue, and it’s bordering on chaos. I suspect a couple of culprits need to be brought to trial for shortening our “breakfast time.”
Suspect number one, the weather. It’s colder outside, which I know doesn’t affect the indoor temperature, but for some reason cuddling in a warm bed seems so much more enticing when it’s cold outside. So, my six year-old cuddles with me when he gets up from his bed. And I love it. Nothing is sweeter than two little arms awkwardly wrapped around your head, forcing bed head into your face. As sweet as it is, it does cut into our breakfast time.
Suspect number two, a new addition to our family. Azul has a new friend to play with, we gave him a Kindle Fire Tablet. It’s his, and he knows it, and he likes to point out that it is “my tablet” every chance he gets. There are still rules on asking permission before downloading anything and he can only play it in the Living Room or Kitchen area, not in his room. But, like any other new toy, he insists on playing it all the time. Which also means during breakfast time, our already short breakfast time, he is playing and not eating, and then we have rush to get dressed. UGH!
Judging the situation, changes needed to be made, and as I struck my imaginary gavel in my head, I said, “Morning time is for two things, having breakfast and getting dressed, then if there is extra time you can play.” Oh, I’m a real hard ass! I might have even called him “my Love” during the issuing of the verdict.
Well, he didn’t take his sentencing lightly and stormed off to self-imposed solitary confinement in his room. Soon, he returned with an appeal.
“I have a complaint!” was his vocal companion to the formal written declaration. Although the court recognized the objection (with a proud grin and a mommy giggle), it was nevertheless denied. The evidence against the cuddling was also thrown out.